It's The Halves That Halve You In Half
This past week has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me, I experienced birth and death in such a small period amount of time. I learned so many things in ways I would’ve never expected.
These past two weeks my family and I have been waiting for my mom to give birth to my little sister, after being a week overdue she finally gave birth Thursday afternoon. My sisters and I had been anxiously waiting for the new baby that we were speechless when we randomly got a photo of our newborn baby sister. I was excited for the new baby once I found out my mom was having a girl. There’s just something I love about having a girl, it’s more fun and playful. I love Milo but dressing him up just isn’t, it’s always just jeans and a shirt. Now with the new baby, we have so many options, dresses, skirts, overalls, so many options!
Milo is always going to be my little baby. He came into our lives at such a perfect time and looking back in time I’ve realized how much he’s changed our lives. Who would’ve thought that a little baby could change you so much, when Milo was born I was going through such a hard time, I was so unsure of everything I was doing and everything I was surrounding myself with. Taking care of Milo made me feel as if I was finally doing something good. I can’t even imagine how the new baby is going to change our lives.
At this point everything seemed perfect, our house was finally remodeled, my mom had a successful delivery and we were all able to finally meet our baby sister. Which is probably why the following event come to us a shock.
Friday afternoon on my way to work after dropping Milo home from the hospital my mom got a called in which she found out that Bobby our family dog had gotten hit by a car. When she called me to give me the bad news I was speechless, I just couldn’t believe it. I thought she was playing a bad joke on me in order to teach me a lesson for letting him ran out the house. Two minutes later my brain finally wrapped itself around the news and once that happened I immediately broke down into tears, I probably spent about 80% of my time at work crying over and over again.
I never expected to have to deal with death at this time in my life, I know it’s part of life but I just wasn’t ready for it. Thankfully I’ve had some really good friends who have been there for me these past few days, I’ve even had people be there for me who I would’ve never expected. What really disappointed me through all of this was the fact that the people I expected to be there for me weren’t. Our friends are our chosen family, we expect them to be there for us and help us cope with all the bad and celebrate the good. So, when a friend isn’t there for something like this it makes you think if they’ll be there when worst situations come along the way.
The main thing that I learned this week was that heartbreak comes in so many ways. For the past 5 years now I’ve tried not to get emotionally involved with anyone because I’ve been afraid to go through heartbreak again. Bobby’s death made me realize that a guy isn’t the only thing that can break my heart. I’ve learned to appreciate and be thankful for all the good that I have in life. I have an amazing family, a new baby sister and I have some amazing friends. All the other gory bits of life can be fixed one way or another, it’s just about taking it one step at a time.
Venting out and writing all of this down has really helped me deal with all of this which is why I wrote Bobby a letter.
Hi baby,
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through. If I would’ve just taken 2 minutes to pick you up and put you inside you’d be fine right now and you'd be home with us. We all miss you so much, the house feels weird now that you're not here. Milo keeps asking me for you and I don't know what I'm supposed to tell him. He misses you so much, I took him out yesterday to play and he was just sitting down on the stairs. I miss seeing him run after you and trying to play with you. Each time he sees someone walk by he runs up to them and barks just like you used to. I’m sorry for being such an asshole to you most of the time. I just wish I could get another chance to show you how much I actually did love you. I hated animals before and I only loved them for their fur but after you came into our lives I fell in love with you. You were so cute and tiny and just easy to love. It’s so weird not being woken up by your barks or your face licks. People probably think I’m just being dramatic but you were more than just a dog to us, you were part of our family. Oh my God, I just can’t even describe or put into words how much I miss you! I can’t even go to the restroom without missing you. You would follow me everywhere and it’s so weird looking over my shoulder and not seeing you there waiting for me. I just wish this was a dream and I could just wake up and start being a better owner to you. There are so many things I would change! How am I supposed to deal with all of this, you were my little baby.It breaks my heart that I was so far away from you when all of this happened. I just wanted to run down the street and go get you and bring you home. I just want everything to go back to normal. I just miss you so much!
